Thursday, September 18, 2008

I F*****g Hate Auburn

I hated them ever since I was a boy and even then could see just how stupid having multiple mascots is. Low and behold, I grew up and then the pressed on into that territory and got an eagle named Tiger. Their mascots include the Plainsmen, War Eagles and Chop Blockers. They say they are the Tigers. Their cheer? War Eagle! The animal venerated at the game? A War Eagle. The name of their baseball park? Plainsmen Park. The name of their school paper? The Plainsmen. They are not Tigers. I know Mike The Tiger and you sirs, are not tigers.

They smoked cigars on our field. Pure jackassery right there. I'd prefer my team show up, win and just go home. No need to give a defeated foe one iota of feeling that beating them mattered much, to say nothing of bulletin board material. But hey, one's true nature always has a way of revealing itself. Speaking of....

Damon Duval is a jackass. I remember a good pic of him enjoying a cigar in Baton Rouge. I also remember him getting beat down by band kids when he was rude and just effing stupid enough to try and go on the field while the Golden Band was still playing. Jeez dude, try not to be such a massive fucking tool. Not only are you an idiot, but you go whupped by band kids.

I've been to Auburn twice and hated it. I prefer even Oxford to that place. I have had great times in Tuscaloosa and Gainesville. But Auburn, what a hole. They call it the loveliest village on the plains. It's not lovely. It's not on the plains. You take a two lane highway to this place. It's all piney woods and rolling hills. You know you are close when you see the trailer parks. Serious. A great deal of off campus housing is trailers. Most everyone else can manage to throw up some apartments. Hell, most of the third world manages to take some tin, cardboard, wire and spit to make a domicile. Not Auburn. Tornado magnets amidst majestic future paper and lumber products.

I. Fucking. Hate their offensive line. They can't play, so they result to cut and chop blocks. They tried to cost Dorsey his career. Thank goodness that doesn't happen. Think about that for a moment. They couldn't hang, so they intentionally and willfully tried to cost another man millions of dollars. It's always obvious in the realm of sport that when someone is terribly inferior, knows this/it's being proven in front of God and everyone on the field, they result to cheap, dirty play. I despise this cowardly behaviour.

Chaz of the War Eagles getting manhandled:

Ramsey and Ziemba showing their skill and class:

And this wasn't a one time deal, ask Clemson about this. It's shameful and should be punished. I would be pulling the Old Testament pulling of hair, gnashing of teeth, covering my head with ash sincere grief and shame dance over something this low rent. Not Auburn, they just make excuses and more right along. I would've used the word reprehensible, but Auburn, the SEC and the NCAA didn't do a damn thing about this type dirty, cheap play.

They decided it'd be a great idea to jump on the Eye of the Tiger at midfield. Everyone saw it. I mean really, what kind of childish bullshit is that? Everyone was livid. I have never, ever seen LSU act like that in anyone's house. But Auburn, they eat this up.

I hate them because of all the things listed above. Oh, but there's more:

That's after the end of the infamous LSU at Auburn game of 06. You know the game. That Auburn Plainsman you see made it a point to come all the way across the field and taunt our receiver. He wasn't even in the game, much less guarding him. What a pos. Just win man, don't act a fool and show your true colours to everyone. But that's Auburn for you.

LSU can never win by enough, year after year to assuage the burning hatred and bloodlust I have for the cowardly, despicable, classless, low rent, no account schizophrenics from Alabama Polytechnic. I'll be honest, it gives me no small amount of pleasure for LSU to have won two national titles with one loss and two losses while Auburn went 14-0 and got zilch. I hate Auburn. Badly. But remember this. The visceral hate I have just described to you looks like love when it comes to Ole Miss. That's how bad, I bring those bastards up in a post having nothing to do with them.


  1. Hey Josh,

    Did you remember to refill your medication? Man, the vitriol that you are spouting is incredible. I must confess, I feel the same when I forget to take my medicine.

  2. I don't need the medication anymore, no matter what you or the doctors say. I have scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch.

  3. yeah but how do you feel about auburn??


Don't be rude. Or I will delete your comment. Questions?